Consent & Safeguarding

We’ve all been there, agreed to go meet someone and the nerves kick in… even meeting someone not into kink, is nerve racking. For a sub planning to meet a DOM for the first time there is a lot of pressure, and even the DOM feels some pressure when meeting new subs. 

The main reason we feel this way is because of consent. Based on the information we have at the time, we consent. We say “yes” to the meeting but we all know information changes, and so too does our consent. What if I get there and I don’t like him? What if I don’t like what he’s doing? What if i want to leave?

This is hard enough in a non-BDSM situation but when you’re a sub and there’s power exchange taking place how do you express your change of consent… safe words are one way, but can you actually change your mind? How do you back out? What happens if you back out? Will he be upset?

At BDSMeets we’ve been there, we understand the consent issue, and how it relates to safeguarding. You have to be able to change your consent, you have to be able to say actually at this moment I am not into this, and crucially you have to know there are no negative ramifications of a change of consent. 

What does consent management look like at BDSMeets?

Let’s look at a new player to BDSM, consent is the number one barrier to gaining the all important experiences that make you a more confident player.

Getting over that barrier is easier said than done, you have to know that it’s okay to change your consent at any time, and that you will be able to communicate that change of consent easily, no matter how you are tied, hooded, or even gagged. Because that’s the reality… BDSM takes away your normal controls, and this stops you right in your tracks… crucially takes away your opportunity to experience BDSM.

Communicating a change of consent at BDSMeets

We have structured the sessions to be horny but also to make consent and your ability to express a change in consent straightforward.

When you arrive you are given a numbered ski goggle blindfold, the loss of your vision is horny, and the number on the blindfold immediately helps all the Doms identify who is who – especially if there is a problem.

On arrival you’re also given an experiences form, similar to the one you filled out on Recon. We ask you to fill it out on the day because we’ve all been horny and got carried away when messaging. This was you can give an honest appraisal of your level of experience on the actual day:

You are given the above sheet where you can state your experiences, limits, and preferences. This is displayed around your neck or on the wall.

During a session you can use these safe words:

– AMBER [your number] this means slow down

– RED [your number] stop and get me out – NOW

Safe words are really effective ways of changing your consent at anytime during a session. 

What happens when you want to slow down?

Your Master will remove the last thing that He put on you, or stop or reduce any impact play – it is sensible to try an amber warning first, and then STOP is that’s not enough. 

What does that look like if I am hooded, on a bench, and my Master has just zipped up a sleep sac? and I buzz once. The Master would unzip the sleep sac say 50% of the way.. and might remove any gag so you can communicate clearly.

Give you a chance to settle and feel comfortable and then continue but at a much slower pace, and making sure you are really super horny. He might give extra attention to your cock or balls.. he might get out an edging device to drive you wild… there’s lots of things a Master can do to help you overcome your fears.

What happens when you want to STOP?

If you say red [your number] or just red or you buzz twice – then items will be removed in an order that makes you feel comfortable the fastest:

– gag removed 

– hood removed 

– arm restraints removed 

– leg restraints removed 

This will be done in a calm manner but you will be released in minutes… it’s pretty quick to get someone out of most BDSM that we use at BDSMeets. 

Once released you will be able to go to the lounge to calm down, spend some time with your Master, or you can get dressed and go whatever you prefer. You may or may not want to do something later but the preference is that you don’t because creating an expectation that you will play again may put you under pressure. Saying red and stopping a session will not effect your attendance at other sessions, we want you to feel safe, and have trust in us. 

At the end of the day we want men to experience the amazing journey that is safe, consensual BDSM.

SLAVE PREP

  • NO CUMMING FOR 1 WEEK PRIOR TO THE EVENT
  • TRIM OR SHAVE PUBES 3 DAYS PRIOR – cuts from shaving can prevent play.
  • MORE SERIOUS PLAYERS – NO HEAVY S&M ACTION FOR 14 DAYS PRIOR – whip marks, bruises can open if they have not healed.
  • DOUCHE BEFORE – there is a douce in the slave zone – fucking is common in our BDSM scenes, but if you state on your preferences you love cock up your arse and you have a super hot arse… then definitely douche.

DOUCHE ADVICE

If you want a squeaky clean hole for 3 / 4 hours then please consider a castor oil douche. All you need is some castor oil here, and lube applicator here.

  • PUT 1 or 2 APPLICATOR OF CASTOR OIL UP YOUR HOLE
  • WAIT 30 MINS
  • EXPEL – if clean you’re done, if not repeat steps 1 and 2 😉
  • SHOULD ONLY TAKE 3 GOES MAXIMUM…
  • YOUR HOLE IS CLEAN , OILED, AND READY TO GO…
  • & NO NASTY BROWN LIQUID TO RUIN YOUR PLAY.